Why You Keep Attracting the Wrong Partners—And How to Change That
Do you feel like you’ve been striking out when it comes to relationships? Maybe old patterns keep repeating themselves, and you’re not sure why. It could be that you’re attracting the wrong partners.
If you’re attracting people who won’t meet your needs, don’t adhere to your core values, or simply lack strong communication skills, it’s likely that any relationship formed with them will be short-lived. Of course, that can be frustrating, hurtful, and even feel like a blow to your self-esteem.
Thankfully, once you recognize that you’re attracting the wrong partners, you can take active steps to change things. Let’s cover a few helpful tips that can make a big difference.
Why Are You Attracting the Wrong People?
There are several reasons why you might be drawing the wrong people into relationships. It might have to do with how you see yourself. People with low self-esteem, for example, are more likely to settle for less than they deserve. If you tend to see yourself in a negative light, you’ll be more likely to focus your attention on a partner’s needs, which can potentially lead to emotional abuse.
Some people tend to ignore red flags, even if they’re relatively obvious, because they have a fear of being alone. This can lead to staying in toxic relationships simply because you think it’s better to be with someone than no one. You might also want to believe in someone or try to see the best in them, even if it’s clear they won’t change their behavior.
Finally, you might be attracting the wrong people because you haven’t taken the time to understand your true needs. If you get into a relationship and feel like you aren’t fulfilled, it could be due to the fact that you aren’t expressing your needs. When you haven’t taken the time to understand what those needs truly are, you could be attracting people who don’t seem to care.
Practice Self-Reflection
If you truly want to stop attracting the wrong people, the first step is to start becoming more aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Look at past relationships and determine if there are any recurring patterns that have caused harm. Acknowledge your role in these patterns so you’ll know how to change.
As you reflect, it’s also important to boost your self-esteem. Start with self-care practices that fit into your daily routine. Everything from staying physically active to engaging in hobbies you enjoy can make a difference. When you’re kind and compassionate with yourself, you’ll also boost your confidence and feel more self-assured in what you want.
Take Things Slow
You might have trouble setting boundaries in your relationship, which can lead the wrong people to you. Working with a mental health professional can help you learn how to set healthy boundaries based on your core values and your needs.
Individual therapy, or even relationship counseling, is a great way to practice self-reflection, boost your confidence, and get to the underlying causes of why you might struggle with relationship issues. Getting to those root causes, no matter how long ago they happened, is often the first step on a healing journey. Issues stemming from childhood could be influencing relationship patterns now.
Therapy is also an important form of self-care, and it can cause you to start incorporating more self-care practices into your daily routine if you’ve had a hard time doing that on your own. Mental wellness practices like mindfulness, meditation, and even journaling can help you stay grounded in the present while recognizing your growth.
You aren’t “doomed” to attract the wrong partners for the rest of your life. Understanding the potential patterns and behaviors causing it to happen can absolutely make a difference. You deserve love and a healthy relationship, and we would be happy to help you on that journey. Contact us today to set up an appointment.
